My connection with English

It's just a very bad connection. I have always had trouble speaking in English. I think because of bad experiences with high school teachers. In the same way, I never had  English in the basic school and whenever I am in class I feel very embarrassed because I think I am the most backward. I would love to learn English, it is a language that areo opens many doors in academic tone and work, but it costs me too much, especially speak it and understand when others speak with me. So sorry in advance. In conclusion, I do not hate or love English, I just want to bring a relationship in peace, not to the toxic.